Escaping Fate

Through The Eyes of a Monster ~ (Entry 7) {1995}

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Dear Diary,

Dawn had soon arrived, and my tiny body began shaking from the cold air whirling wildly. My auburn hair…a bit messy from a restless dream… as well as my pillow drenched in tears and sweat. I had laid awake for countless hours…trying to put together the missing pieces of that “message”. If God was truly capable of “punishing” humanity…wouldn’t that also mean he was invincible? Questions levitated inside my head continuously. Nana, had made a new list of duties to fulfill today, but my mind was so fixated on God. What made a normal peasant simply a God?

Nana hid a bible somewhere in the premises…I just wasn’t aware of where it could be located. She briefly mentioned a few months ago…there was a door that all children were forbidden to enter. Perhaps, it was concealed within its chambers (laughs). Oh well, the months lingered on, and I was becoming more hopeful for karma to reach Nana one way or another. “Why are you not completing your duties in a timely manner”? I paused with a cheeky remark. “Sorry Nana…was waiting on your permission to practice my alphabet”. Nana snorted. “Alright, if you insist…you better not make a fool out of me”. I nodded.

Five months had passed by. I had been progressing slowly, and the pace of a tortoise…was obviously no match for Nana. The gaps in my learning ability…meant lots of consequences. I was thrown down stairs, beaten with leather, slapped in the face, forced to do additional labor…the list of torture was endless. My body was raw, sore and just completely drained from all the horrible shit the elderly women had done to me. I would just have to endure another month…and soon be reunited with my father once again. Nothing seemed to matter…the house would always contain a hideous display of useless junk.

Nana was a hoarder. She kept stacks of receipts, books, paper, stationary, stamps, and collectibles all cluttered and disoriented on her wooden desk. They were irrelevant…as she never used them. They just existed in a pile of dust, grime and filth. Yet, she expected us children to enable her…because she was the laziest elderly women I had ever encountered in my life. Kids were not designed to become slaves…they were expected to laugh, play in the mud, and enjoy a simple life. However Nana, didn’t value children in that aspect. We were merely just a colony of ants…gathering, preparing and creating an easier life-style for the “adult”. We had no entitlement…no worth, and just viewed as scum.

I grasped the flash cards tightly in my hands. A…B…C…D…E…F…G…H…I…J…k-a…k-a My body began to clamp up as I stuttered with the letter K. “You stupid girl…you lied to me”. “I am trying”…I wept with one bead of tear falling from my lower lashes. She slapped me across the face, leaving a hand mark visible on the apples of my cheek. “I warned you girly…acting stupid around me gets you nothing”. I angrily excused myself…running frantically out the door. She ran after me…but my youthful energy exceeded her older age. I felt like a bird without wings…attempting to escape it’s caged habitat. I ran far away…and didn’t stop till I was certain no one would find my whereabouts.

Finally, I had approached a waterway and sat down to rest. The sun had descended now, and surely Nana had surrendered her efforts of chasing me down. I smiled down upon my reflection by the river. The vessels of the current moved rapidly…caressing the rocks. The air smelt like fresh cut grass and it reassured my conscience.  I was free temporarily…but soon enough someone would find me trespassing here. I curled myself into a ball and shut my eyes. A grayish-silver spider had intervened in my space… It alarmed me as it hung down from a silk strand… then gradually crawled onto my hand.  I flinched, and accidentally scared the little guy off. I am sure he was just hoping for a little company too. (laughs).

I unraveled myself, standing up and wishing for a bite to eat. 4 hours had gone by since I had escaped Nana. I pitied the children that were still left to suffer in her care. But, I had to runaway for the sake of saving myself from another hard-core beating ritual. The darkness impaired my visual perception as I continued to walk along side the river…in search of an aliment. I feared diving into the deep depths of the river, and avoided it completely. Though, I knew that my best option would be to catch a fish. I had to be expeditious or the fish would squirm out of fear. How would I catch a fish with no net? Maybe a stick would suffice? The stick would need to be sturdy enough to distract the fish…no a rock?

My stomach ached and I had to come up with a brilliant idea. Although my patience was thinning and my eyes were still deprived of a restful sleep. I was too weak to even ponder an idea at this point. So without another thought I dozed off into oblivion. The wind was harsh that night, and coyotes howled from a far. Luckily, I wasn’t anywhere near their dangerous territory. I was still fearful of my life and wondered how any small person could survive bitter weather. I longed for warmth and snuggles…the stuffed animal bunny I had once held in my arms prior to facing “Hell”. God, was I seriously a horrible daughter? I mused on as to why these events had taken place in my life. This life was nothing but an illusion…it was only temporary so I shouldn’t fret. I opened my eyes for a short second then closed them again…envisioning my next escapade. Where would this road lead me to next?

Good night, Diary.





Kristi has told her testimony to over 2,000 foster youth in 2012. She continues to inspire many with her creative writing style and chilling stories depicted by an innocence and horrid journey.

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16 comments on “Escaping Fate
  1. Joss says:

    I’m sorry for your childhood experiences, but glad you survived to talk about it. *hugs*


  2. micketalbot says:

    How you survived that night as a young child, your resilience outstanding, Next chapter please.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good lord! I started reading your posts last night and am now caught up. You have a strong spirit and I saw your remark that God was protecting you 🙂 . It just breaks my heart that anyone would have to endure this much less an innocent child! The “system” is still broken, I’m just not sure what the solution is sadly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Birdie says:

    How did they isolate the variables to make all things equal? Did they take twins at birth and raise one poor and one wealthy? I don’t mean to nitpick or be ariementatgvu, but I am skeptical of the article. I also don’t mean to come across as being somebody who exclusively looks at “nature” or individual biology. It seems to me that a person is shaped in the synthesis of an individual’s physical and mental being, external human factors, natural law, and natural circumstance.


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